After acknowledging how actions tied to their addictions had a negative impact on people in their lives, those in 12-step recovery programs commit to making direct amends whenever possible. I’m sure you’ve heard that the steps are written in a specific order for a reason. That reason is that each step provides the spiritual preparation we’ll need for the following steps. Never in a million years would we ever have imagined during our using days that we would one day be able to sit down with the people we’ve harmed and make direct amends!

The Ninth Step: When To Do So Would Cause Harm

It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt. Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt. If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries. It’s also important to take great care when making amends to someone who is in active addiction because our primary responsibility is to safeguard our own health and recovery from substance abuse. If making an amends means exposing ourselves to triggering environments, we ought to reconsider and discuss healthy alternatives with a sponsor or addiction counselor.

How Soon Do I Start to Make Amends Once I Am Sober?

I would also include major financial or work related amends that may result in losing your job, or create heavy financial difficulties for the family. These should be put off until everyone involved is in agreement, and then, only after talking to someone to make sure that you are not overlooking anything. After we have put some time between us and our last debacles, we can revisit those amends and go into details about each event, only after we have run it by an experienced and trusted advisor. The 164 and More book is sold on this website at the Publisher List Price of $20.00 plus postage. The book may also be sold by Intergroup/Central Offices or recovery book stores at List Price  or slightly higher.

Navigating Step Nine: Living Amends

The root of many fears and feelings boil down to guilt and shame. Guilt and shame anchor people to their past and trap them in old ways that prevent them from growing and moving on with their lives. By tackling step nine, recovering alcoholics can be freed from their past, including addiction. An important element of step nine is that those in recovery have already begun making amends to themselves by changing some of their behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs. The goal of this step is to find freedom by cleaning up the past to live peacefully in the present. Those in recovery are encouraged to keep an ongoing ninth step in their life by continuing to pay off debts and refraining from lying, stealing, or cheating.

When a person has died, you can still make amends for your actions. Although, you’ll have to find a different way to do so and in a way that makes a lasting impact on you and the people you love who are still here. The 12-step program instills honesty and integrity in members. If making amends requires the recovering alcoholic to report a past crime, they must be willing to go to jail to complete this step on their road to a complete and limitless recovery.

Advance Directive Forms

From the steps leading up to nine, recovering alcoholics begin to develop tools to handle stressful situations without liquor and believe in a Higher Power greater than themselves. Believing in a Higher Power provides those in recovery with a spiritual aspect that gives them strength and guidance to do the right thing even when it is hard and unlike anything they have done in the past. I cannot go back and change the past, but I can take responsibility for my actions.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Disorders

When Chris asked if there had been any hope of the ice between the two “thawing,” Amy confessed that she was in the dark about the details of their feud, but knew their relationship had been changed forever. On Tuesday’s season 25 finale of Little People, Big World, Zach and his father Matt Roloff remained at odds over their ongoing family drama about the sale of their family farm. When my husband misses a turn because he’s in the wrong lane, I say nothing. When he runs out of medicine because he didn’t call the doctor for a refill, I trust he has the intelligence to solve his own problem.

It means that you’re not just using your words to show a change, your actions are proving this change as well. State how you are taking personal responsibility for the hurt you’ve caused. Making amends means apologizing but also goes one step further—doing everything in your power to repair the damage, restore the relationship, and/or, replace what you took. If you’re writing a letter, whether sending or sharing it in person, spend some time reflecting on and sharing the actions you’re taking to redress the wrong(s) done. Making amends with the people you’ve fallen out with as you’re thinking about mortality and what happens when you die is one way of finding emotional freedom and closure.

• We must do these things if we hope to experience the promises listed on pages 83/84 in the Big Book (Into Action).
• Here is $200, and if I’m incorrect and owe you more, I will repay the remainder.
• A 12-step program is designed to encourage long-term sobriety, by fostering a spirituality for recovery.
• But, by facing reality and the long-term impact of your actions, and making amends to those you’ve hurt, you’re able to make peace with the past and put it behind you and move forward.

Once you enter into sobriety, there isn’t a set timeline for working Steps 8 and 9, so you might want to ask your sponsor and recovery support network for their insights about whether you’re ready. No doubt you will experience challenges and setbacks along the way. But by prioritizing your recovery on a daily basis and doing whatever that next right thing might be for you, you will keep moving forward in living a life of good purpose. Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words.

Overall, the step of making amends in AA encompasses the program’s mission to heal the emotional and spiritual aspects of alcoholism while also diminishing the physical and mental side effects of addiction. It is important to note that just because you have made amends does not mean that your relationships will be completely healed or return back to normal. Whenever possible, living amends a direct amend is made face-to-face rather than over the phone or by asking someone else to apologize on your behalf. On a similar note, the sixth and seventh steps give recovering alcoholics newfound humility in order to prevent blame, anger, or self-righteousness during their recovery. The eighth step then helps the individual prepare to accomplish step nine.